Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok-ju - ep10: A comma or a period

Arrgh, I cried a river this episode! My heart broke to pieces every time Bok-ju shed tears, and even though we take solace in knowing Joon-hyung will always be there for her, it doesn't take away the fact that she's hurting. It's heartbreaking enough to see Bok-ju in pain, but when her pain becomes Joon-hyung's pain too, then there's really no stopping those tears.

The moment he finds Bok-ju in the training room - utterly broken; with her back towards him, crying bitterly as she sits there hunched over in a state of emotional despair. The pain she feels in that moment comes from deep within - her feelings of heartbreak, embarrassment and utter humiliation is something which only she can feel, and it must kill her to have experienced it all in one fatal blow. And nobody understands that deeply rooted insecurity better than Joon-hyung, who heard it from her first hand during their drive to the beach.

The painful realisation on his face at the end of last episode already said it all. But after seeing her physically break down and looking terribly defeated, Joon-hyung's pained expression turns into anger, and you can practically see him trying to suppress his feelings, lest he loses control. I love how the camera remains focused on Joon-hyung's face whilst the sound of Bok-ju's sobbing follows close behind - it's absolutely heartbreaking. Especially since we see her pain reflected on Joon-hyung's face, which allows us a glimpse into Bok-ju's inner turmoil.

It's also perhaps the first time that we see Joon-hyung lose total control of his composure, at least towards a member of his own family. The anger is brought on by Bok-ju's pain alone, which he too now shares, and those raw feelings are captured in the heated exchange he has with his brother.

It was so sad to see him tear into his brother like that, especially since his brother just takes it all without complaint. And I'm sure that's the last thing Joon-hyung would have ever wanted to do as well, but the moment he saw Bok-ju hurting, it was as if he lost all rhyme and reason. His first instinct was to protect Bok-ju from further harm, and to eradicate the root of her pain. Poor bro just stands there looking clueless as ever, with a pretty bunch of flowers in hand, no less. - arrgh, Joon-hyung doesn't mean it hyung! He's just hurting that's all!

In letting out all that steam though, Joon-hyung ends up revealing Bok-ju's crush on doc. And even though it wasn't his place to say anything, I totally understand what made him do it. It wasn't intentional, but rather a spur of the moment thing. It was a heated moment which shows just how affected he is by Bok-ju's emotional state, and I loved the urgency with which he sought to tackle it.

Ha, I know doc is a little slow, but I love the train of epiphany he gets when he's alone at home.

Maybe not...

The next moment which got my heart sinking was when Jae-yi called Bok-ju out for a coffee to set the record straight. Urgh, it's such a grown up way of dealing with things, where you think taking responsibility absolves everything, when in actuality, his apologies, no matter how sincere, and his kindness, are so decidedly one-sided, that he fails to consider the feelings of the person in front of him. Something which Joon-hyung wisely points out to him later on in the ep. The thing is, when you work with younguns long enough, you come to realise just how fragile the emotions are which come with growing pains, and as adults, sometimes we forget that, even if we've been through it ourselves. Every time Jae-yi apologised, you could see Bok-ju's heart shattering into a million pieces - that's how clear the pain was etched onto her face. For someone who was told only recently how painful it was for Bok-ju to see him face to face, it boggles me that Jae-yi still had the nerve to set up this meeting - not the brightest bulb out there, is he? Sigh, I love you Jae-yi, but you're still a dimwit.
 

Bok-ju and Joon-hyung's next heated exchange was utterly delicious - does that make me sound sadistic?? For real though, their heated exchanges are equally as delightful as their romantic bickering, in that they always feel so emotionally raw. I love the way they emotionally bounce off one another when conversing coz you feel for them in the moment, as though they're real life people, and not characters in a drama. Bok-ju was right to go and seek Joon-hyung out, because this is the only way she was going to get it off her chest, seen as though doc was too blind to notice her pain. And whilst it's unfair on Joon-hyung, I see why she did it - he's the only person she can confide in, and their solid friendship, built on trust and growing affection, is precisely the thing which makes them lash out at one another. I love that neither of them holds back during this moment, especially Joon-hyung, who's been on the receiving end one too many times.

Joon-hyung was brutally honest throughout this exchange, and I love that you can see the point where he'd reached his limit; whereas previously, he'd hold it in, and would only lash out silently, failing miserably in the process - like the time they fought at the mountain peak - his silent grudge didn't even last a night, and he was out defending her like her own personal hero! I love how in their previous encounters Joon-hyung was always the one to take all the flak (even if grudgingly), letting Bok-ju have the final word in, especially if it meant her feeling better as a result. And no matter how painful her words were, he'd bear it all, so long as he got to keep her by his side. He'd always be the one to make amends first, to go along with her lies, and cheer her on every step of the way.

But this time it's different. This time her words not only pierce Joon-hyung, but are also seemingly self-destructive. And I love that this is the point of his outburst. His own pain he can bear, but not Bok-ju's. He can see she's hurting to the point where staying silent would do her no favours. And I love that he bluntly lays it all down for her so that she can seriously reflect on herself, and her priorities in life. Him telling her that he's disappointed in her as a fellow athlete was a great way to make her realise her own self-driven insecurities. Her feeling ashamed over something she's worked so hard for over some measly guy hits home in a way which has her reeling back in subdued anger. He may not know it, but his words always get through to her because it's something she needs to hear in order to help her get out of the funk, and she knows it, hence why she had nothing left to say in return. Her tears at this point killed me because you can see how embarrassed she feels by the truth he relays to her. It's her own conflicted state which causes her unhappiness, and Joon-hyung pretty much holds up a mirror to tell her as such - "who would find you pretty when you're that embarrassed of yourself" he tells her sharply before walking away in anger. Bok-ju remains rooted on the spot, reflecting over his words, which bring tears to her eyes.

It was equally heartbreaking to see Joon-hyung get so angry over his own outburst, even though if what he said was crucial for Bok-ju to hear.

I'd like to think that the source of Joon-hyung's anger wasn't solely due to Bok-ju's insecurities, but his own too. The moment he tares into his brother a second time was a real eye-opener because the feelings he relates are not only personal to Bok-ju, but to him also. He expresses how Jae-yi's overly considerate nature makes him feel worse - coz it emphasises how they're not real brothers. Of course that was never Jae-yi's intent, but it still annoys Joon-hyung to see his brother being so nice to him to the point that he feels guilty and burdened by their relationship. And I'm just sat here thinking, poor Jae-yi - here comes round two!

I LOVE the moment the two brothers make up though! It was so big of Jae-yi to make the first step and to try his best at being the shouty bro Joon-hyung always wanted. They both apologise for making the other feel bad, and just like that, they're both made up. *sniffs*
 

Even after telling himself that he wouldn't care, I love how Joon-hyung can't help but care about Bok-ju, knowing how special she is. It was funny how he only realised this fact after big bro asked him about it - Joon-hyung's perplexed face in response was rather telling. Typical dude right there! But when Bok-ju goes missing after the shock of losing her coach, who was perhaps the closest she's ever had to a maternal figure, Joon-hyung runs off in search of her, clearly worried.
 
This last scene right here is why this show will always be a winner for me, coz it just hits you in the feels in a way that makes you relate to Bok-ju's pain as though it were your own. It's easy enough to portray emotions of sadness and grief, but when characters exude those emotions with rawness and sensitivity, that's when they're made to feel universal.

What I love about this moment is the way in which we're made to feel the weight of Bok-ju's pain through the tone of the scene alone. Her pained expression isn't that of just sadness, but also of loss and despair. She's so sad that she no longer understands the root of her sadness - and how could she when everything relating to weightlifting proved not only overwhelming for her, but also the centre of her woes. Over the course of a few days, she not only suffered major heartbreak, but also lost her coach, her friendship with Joon-hyung, and most of all, her motivation for weightlifting. And when all that comes crashing down on you like a whirlwind, you realise that you've lost all sense of direction, making misery your home. And for someone of Bok-ju's spirit to come to that realisation must have been crushing.

When Bok-ju lifelessly addresses Joon-hyung telling him how dejected she feels to the point that all she feels like doing is sleeping, you hear nothing but bereavement in her voice. And I love how Joon-hyung latches onto this in a moment which looked an awful lot like shared empathy. His expression doesn't hold pity, but rather a shared understanding which brings him closer to her. Perhaps it's his own abandonment issues which has him feeling so scared for her in that moment, so much so that all he can think to do is embrace her, making sure to hold on tight, and never let go.
 

Uff, Nam Joo-hyuk and Lee Sung-kyung - you officially broke my heart this episode, but the pain was so damn worth it!

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