No matter how many times I re-watch this episode, the weight of the angst never diminishes - tears automatically come crashing down the moment Joon-hyung's face crumples into sadness and despair. If episode 10 belonged to Bok-ju, then this one was most definitely Joon-hyung's - it's a lovely, albeit sombre, reversal which shows how Bok-ju has his back just as he had hers during times of difficulty.
The moment Joon-hyung's birth mother returns, it was clear to us (the audience) that things weren't as simple as they seemed. And it was utterly heartbreaking to see how Joon-hyung let go of his emotions the moment she appeared, almost as if he'd returned to his childlike state from when she had first left. His initial response was that of shock, followed by a deeply rooted grief which stemmed from years of longing. In that moment, there was no anger or resentment, he simply melts into her touch and cries his soul out. Needless to say, I was a sobbing mess afterwards!
But it was the second outburst which perhaps hit the hardest, in that Joon-hyung's pain turns to anger the moment he overhears the truth regarding his birth mother's real reasons for returning, and that is for money. And it's telling that his pain and anger only surfaces when his aunt tries to make him understand the situation - it's because he feels utterly despondent and sorry towards her. It's such a heartbreaking scene, because on the one hand, you see how much of a mother figure his aunt has already become, and on the other, there's an unspeakable bond which comes with blood relations that he can't seem to shake off, knowing how much it's haunted him throughout his childhood. It's a delicate situation, especially for someone like Joon-hyung, who's still going through growing pains. His mother's sudden appearance forces him to confront his childhood fears, and when those fears of abandonment are realised, you see just how much it breaks him, both physically and emotionally. It was especially painful to hear him speak so bitterly against his aunt, but through it, we also see his desperation and guilt. Guilt over how much his aunt has already done for him, more than any birth mother could ever do. And whilst you don't expect one to calculate such feelings between personal relations, it's clear that Joon-hyung feels indebted towards his aunt for having to raise him when his own birth mother gave him up. And that realisation would be a heavy burden for anyone to bear.
His fit of rage, though seemingly misdirected, definitely felt a lot more real in terms of your typical clash with parents. And though heartbreaking to see, the moment clearly shows just how much of a close bond he shares with his aunt, enough to reveal his true feelings; feelings which he had kept bottled up for a long time. The fact that he let these feelings out, not in front of his birth mother, but his aunt, shows that perhaps Joon-hyung had already sub-consciously accepted his aunt as his only mother figure, regardless of his birth mother's existence.
He definitely needed to vent, unfortunately, he ended up lashing out at the very person who loves him the most, and that too unconditionally. But I like how his outburst and youthful rebellion gave Bok-ju the chance to be there for him, coz seriously, he's been there for her since the very beginning - now it's your turn, Bok-ju!
The moment she goes frantically searching for him and leaving him a tonne of messages was adorably kind and good natured, not mentioning so Bok-ju like. I love that her concern for him led her to retrace her steps back to all the places she recalls visiting with him. It was a nice touch seeing just how early on they shared the same space, whether as fellow classmates, friends, or as a romantic couple. Their life experiences and common interest in sport is what brought them together, and it's this mutuality of theirs which allows Bok-ju to seek him out.
The moment she finds him floating in the pool, and she wades through the water in a blind panic to make sure he's okay was tonally melancholic, but also beautiful in the way that it was captured. It was a very quiet, and still moment, almost as if the surroundings were made to reflect Joon-hyung's inner turmoil. He'd drowned himself just enough to escape the hustle and bustle of the outside world -yunno, that feeling you get when you lay in the bathtub and submerge your face just enough to let the water cover your ears. It's a saddening feeling, especially when you find yourself isolated from the rest of the outside world. For Joon-hyung, it was as if his world had collapsed, as he solemnly confesses to Bok-ju that he was thrown away by his birth mother a second time. It's a weighty scene in which you get a sense of just how empty Joon-hyung is feeling in that very moment. His voice is void of all emotion, and his eyes look right past Bok-ju, as though he doesn't even see her. Uff, you're killing me here, Joon-hyung!
In the next moment, we see Joon-hyung break down completely, as he confesses to what pains him the most, and that is, how embarrassed he feels, towards his aunt and uncle, and himself, so much so that he feels more dejected now than when he did when his mother first abandoned him. It's crushing to see that what's paining him isn't so much that his mother came back for ulterior motives, rather it's how he feels towards his aunt and uncle. And through this sorrowful confession of his, Bok-ju stands there with him, lending him her strength and her shoulder for him to cry on - aww, he's trying to find his way back to the nest.
I love that along with Joon-hyung, we also find a sense of relief through Bok-ju's presence. Even through the sombreness, her actions speak louder than words, and it's just the kind of no-nonsense support Joon-hyung needs to get back up again. I love when he plays back all her distress calls!! The smile on his face says it all. He may still feel like crap, but the fact that Bok-ju was there beside him all along, even during his solitary quest, makes him realise just how much she cares for him. And it's just the kind of love and attention he needs in that moment.
As always, this drama has always done well with the role reversals. In a moment of semi-chivalry, Bok-ju piggy backs a barefooted Joon-hyung a short distance before sitting him down on a bench - because of how heavy he was getting LOL. It's a comedic moment to break the solemnity. I love how the two take a moment to cuddle up on the bench, with Joon-hyung keeping a tight hold on her. It's a moment in which Bok-ju offers some wise words of advice, and encourages Joon-hyung to make amends before it gets too late. Honestly, I love her gentle yet pushy approach, coz it's just what Joon-hyung needs to heal his wounds before they fester any deeper.
I love how Bok-ju and the aunt hold similar positions in Joon-hyung's life, in that they both have his back, and are able to provided him with that much needed solace and shoulder to cry on. Both the women will always be there for him, with that added tough love from Bok-ju of course! When he apologises to his aunt, and likens her to a mother figure, his posture completely changes to a little child again, except this time, he's found what he's been looking for all along, and that is maternal love. I love that he thanks her sincerely for showering him with love and affection, coz it shows how filial he's grown up to become even without his birth mother.
The final scene with his mother showed that he was ready to let go of his past and move forward in life - no more false starts! In a symbolic gesture, he returns the handkerchief (which he'd been holding onto as a sign of his mother's love) back to its original owner. And I just love that he returned it back so graciously, without any lingering feelings of sadness or abhorrence. Him showing her a picture of Bok-ju, introducing her as his girlfriend was icing on the cake, proving that he's going to be just fine, and will continue to live life to the fullest.
💛💛💛💛💛
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Note: this was written up some time ago, but I've only now had the chance to post it up. Apologies for the slow updates! I'm not sure if I'll get the chance to write up a feels post for ep16, as I'll have to re-watch the drama in order to do so. May get round to it at a later date, but for now, I'll most likely move onto another drama before then.
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